Getting Over A Relationship Breakup

After a relationship breakup, everything in the world can seem bleak and depressing. The most important thing to remember is that this is a normal reaction. Anytime anything “bad” happens to us, we go through a period of grieving. A relationship breakup is no exception.

When a relationship ends, you have a loss. There’s the loss of a person from your life who you’ve spent lots of time with. The intimacy you shared with this person now feels gone, and it’s common to think you’ll never have or sometimes even want that with another person. Breaking up can simply feel like the end of the world.

But it’s not! You need to put your ex boyfriend or girlfriend in the proper perspective so you can move on. This isn’t easy to do, but it’s important that you start trying as soon as possible.

You’ll get tons of advice on how to deal with a relationship breakup. You’ll everything from “burn all your pictures” to “hop back on the horse and find another relationship.” You will know which approach is best for you, no matter what anyone says. Don’t try something that worked for someone else if it doesn’t feel right.

Give yourself permission to feel bad at first. Whenever you have a loss you go through the same stages of grief as you do when there’s a death or any type of ending, with the degree of feeling varying from situation to situation.

1. Denial is the first stage of loss after anything difficult like the end of a relationship. This can’t be happening!

2. Next, pain and guilt set in after the shock and denial start to fade.

3. Anger comes next, as does something called bargaining. If I do this or don’t do that, maybe we can get back together. I’ll never look at another man as long as I live, if only . . . .

4. Depression and loneliness set in once it’s clear that bargaining won’t change the painful truth.

5. The next step is the lessening of depression when things start to seem a little better.

6. Then comes the hard part of working through it and getting past it.

7. The last stage of grief after a relationship breakup or any loss is acceptance, and hope for a better future.

It can help to try to figure out which stage you’re in, and to know that everyone experiences something along these lines. Not everyone will go through every stage and they might not even be in order.

You might never start bargaining, for instance, especially if you know it’s really and truly over. But most people’s grief process will follow that general pattern. It’s important to recognize that there is a final stage, and that stage means you’ve gotten past it.

Try to put your relationship breakup into perspective with other important things that have happened and will happen in your life, and remember that you’ll eventually get to the acceptance stage, too.

Ending A Relationship – How To Stay Strong

Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things we sometimes have to do. It’s difficult when you’re the one that gets dumped, but even if it’s you ending a relationship, there are many painful emotions to deal with.

It’s especially difficult if the relationship is ending over things that don’t seem that important but ended up being insurmountable. Breakups are easier when one person is cheating or treating the other badly. At least when you break up with someone you know that you won’t be subjected to that behavior anymore.

But when you’re ending a relationship over things you might normally think of as small things you can end up doubting your decision a lot, especially right at first when things seem loneliest. It’s all too easy to convince yourself that things weren’t so bad after all, you miss your ex, and you should just get back together with him or her.

It’s important, however, to stay strong after you’ve broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. And if you find yourself doubting your decision, you need to think back to the things that made you want to break up in the first place.

When there’s no specific horrible thing like cheating or abuse to think on, it can be easy to tell yourself that the relationship wasn’t so bad after all, and you must have just been exaggerating. But really examine your feelings.

If you ended the relationship because he was just not there for you when you needed him, think back on how you felt when you really needed a shoulder to cry on and he wasn’t there, or he wasn’t open for that. Is it likely if you get back together with him that he’ll start being there for you? Hadn’t you already told him you needed that time and time again?

If it just didn’t feel “right” and you just didn’t have strong enough feelings for him, then when you find yourself sad and lonely it can be really easy to tell yourself you were wrong. You might decide that you can develop feelings for him, and that you just didn’t try hard enough before.

This might be the hardest thing to keep believing, because it is very easy to second guess ourselves when ending a relationship. But sometimes we can like someone, and even feel love for them, without the possibility of that ever turning into romantic love.

No matter how hard you try, if you’re not in love with someone and they’re just not the one for you, you’re not going to be able to force it to happen. Focus your energies on something else instead.

If you were close and you miss him but could not feel that special romantic love for him, really work hard at figuring out how you feel now. There’s no rule that says you can’t keep a close relationship with an ex. Ending a relationship completely might not be necessary, because you could end up being the best of friends.